“Pilgrim’s Prayer for Wavering Faith”

I’ve come to a mountain on my pilgrimage. It’s named Mount Wavering Faith. It looms before me so that it’s all I can see. I’ve heard of it before, but thought surely I’ll never face it. I’ve blindly followed a winding path of pride, rebellion, sorrow and regret, right to the very foot of it. Will climbing it, and getting to the other side, lead to a surety of what I say I believe? I want it to. But I fear what awaits. What if I crest the top and find there is nothing to find? That thought leaves me in a fog of defeat and despair.

Have you been to this mountain before?
Maybe you’re there now?

You’re not alone. *Do not be afraid do not be discouraged…

As I stare up at Wavering Faith, I feel it’s weight deep inside. I drop to my knees, and rest my head on the foot of that mountain. Slowly a gentle stirring begins in my spirit.


I feel You here! Even here Lord in this shadow of Wavering Faith. May I curl up at Your feet and stay all day? I need Your rest. I don’t want to deal with the world today. It’s hurtful and crazy and sad. I feel like I can’t cope anymore Jesus. I can’t help my hurting loved ones. I can’t turn hardening hearts from Satan’s lies. I want to force them to know Your truth. *But that’s not Your way is it Lord?

I want to lay here in Your presence and pitch a fit as You wipe tears from my eyes. I want to feel the release that being alone with You provides. I’m tired Lord. I’m tired of standing up when all I want to do is fall. I’m tired of waiting for something to happen, when I don’t know what that something is. My soul is restless and not at peace. I want to understand what troubles me so. God forgive me, but, I have moments when I fear that I’ve fooled myself into believing I’m saved. I fear there are parts of my heart that You want, yet I won’t let You have. Maybe because I fear Your power in me. Maybe the real fear is that I’ll call on that power, and it won’t be there. Maybe, Jesus, I don’t believe at all. Then what God? What salvation is left for me if I can’t feel my faith? Or trust? I read Your Word and find myself seeing it with the eyes of an unbeliever. Your being is incredible. It’s so big how can I hope to absorb it? And I’ve been a Christian for decades. Haven’t I? How have I come to this barren place?

Aside from day dreams Lord, I can’t recall ever longing to be any particular thing. Other than what I wasn’t. Always leaping and grasping for stars that weren’t mine to shine.

Since giving my life to You I’ve longed to find and fulfill a calling. Surely I’m meant for something? *Your Word tells me it is to be a Christian and to represent You well. I found solace in that for awhile. Now, in my failures, even that feels shaken. Oh God, if I’m being refined for something here in this valley, reveal it to me. I know you’ve freed me from the bondage of my mistakes, my sins. Still my heart so that I can feel You working. Stay my mind to keep it from searching for signs that just aren’t there. Forgive me for trying to take matters into my own hands. *Now God grant me the kind of faith, not to climb this mountain, but to make it move! Then grant me the patience to wait as You reveal the path it has concealed. *Restore to me the joy of my salvation and renew a right spirit within me. Thank you for calming me as only You can do.

In Jesus Name amen.

Please…click to read each passage
*Deuteronomy 31:8 *Isaiah 55:8,9 *1 Peter 2:9 *Matthew 17:20
*Psalm 51:12,13  (All from NIV)




On August 13th I wroteA tragic event in March of this year left my families lives turned upside down. It’s not my story to tell. Suffice it to say our balance has yet to be regained. If anything mid July saw it thrown off once again. I would say I’ll be happy to see the back side of 2016…but I have to wonder what 2017 will herald in?

A scant four days after I posted the above statement another harsh reality slammed into my family. We didn’t have to wait until 2017 for another mind numbing experience. One we’re still in the throes of. As if we aren’t still caught up in the gale forces of January, March…and July. Will I never learn? How could I even begin to relax and think we’d weathered the storm? Now August has blown into the mix.

I sit here gazing out my window, feeling only slightly like Job. I feel guilty too for not making the 70 mile trek to the hospital today. A place I’ve grown to despise even as I appreciate all it provides. It’s kept two of my beloved ones alive these past long weeks. One endless stay turned into another. A dark tunnel with no end. Emotionally drained. All of us. Weary and helpless.

Fear. Denial. Anger. Sorrow. Tangible frustration that knows no bounds. Aching acceptance.

It’s the realization that absolutely nothing will ever be the same. Massive tumbleweeds, familyweeds, of lives more than half over. Lives that have been enter twined since birth. Brittle and gnarled. Traveling in whatever direction the wind rolls them. Hither and yon. Landed here in the twilight. Full of debris picked up along the journey. Crumbling, weary and breaking apart. I fear complete detachment. It’s a chasm that can’t be crossed this side of Heaven. I began as the last of three. I can’t imagine life without my two. Friends, enemies, timeless love. Good, bad and all in between. Thick and thin. Even strangers sometimes. Dare I wonder how the inevitable will come?

Where would I be with out my faith? Without my God who strengthens me and hears the plea in my heart? Pleas I can’t put into words though the Spirit does. I feel Jesus surrounding the broken places that I don’t understand. Reaching up for the peace that surpasses. I long for my loved ones to have peace. I feel refinement being wrought. Almighty El Roi lead me in the path You’d have me go.

So I pray.* My Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil for Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever and ever. Amen.

I know, as I release my pent up breath, that my woes are smaller than most but larger than some. Aren’t each of our troubles? Isn’t that the very nature of humanity? All I need to do is watch the evening news to realize that God has been kind to me and mine. Kind indeed.

Now to share the sliver of light that is breaking through my dark.


*Lords Prayer: Matthew 6:9-13

“Repent My Soul”

Oh that I could stop looking ’round,
And only look up, away from the crowd.
Stop looking for answers on the outside,
And only look in, where Jesus abides.

Why do I care what others may think?
Why do I revert in merely a blink?
How can I claim the Spirit lives in,
When daily it seems, I give in to sin?

Opportunity to share Christ’s redemption,
Flees from my thoughts when I get attention.

We say to ourselves how could Peter deny,
His life was at stake, what excuse have I?
The truth of the matter, my actions lie.
(Luke 22:54-62)

I completely relate, and thank Paul for saying,
Words that echo as I’m praying,
He’d do the things he didn’t want,
The things he should, a constant taunt.
(Romans 7:15-25)

Just when I thought I was living in truth,
Insidious pride my power, my proof.
It’s clear now who I thought had the power,
Consumed with appearance while being devoured.

Fraudulent! screams my deepest heart,
You’re not even sure what you really want!
How can you think Christ really resides,
With thoughts like yours deep inside?

He knows my darkest, shameful thoughts,
The ones that count as evil dross.
I want them gone, I want them clean!
“No free will!”  my soul doth scream.

Sin separates me from the One I love,
How on this soil, can land the Dove?
How it’s wings must ready and fly,
When from Him, I take my eye.

Lord let me live unfettered and pure,
Calling Your name when I feel unsure.
Teach me how to flee from failure,
The power of You, in me, dear Savior.

Teach me Lord in that moment of weakness,
To wage war, and win, don’t leave me speechless.
Help me do good though evil prowls near,
Teach me to place in Your hands all fear.

Oh that I not be like one that John wrote,
Neither hot nor cold, nor spewed from Your mouth!
Lord let my heart forget how to waver,
Heaven, Lord, I want to savor.
(Revelation 3:15-16)

Thank You for your patience Lord,
Now onward I go, moving forward.
In You I know my hope is found,
My rock my redeemer, my solid ground.
(Psalm 19:13-14)

“Incense of the Saints, Unite!”

As some of you know I am following Franklin Graham, online, as he tours our country before the 2016 election. Franklin and his team will stop at every state capitol building and hold a prayer rally on it’s steps. It’s called the, *Decision America Tour. In an effort to be proactive, I joined the DAT face book prayer group for Tennessee, **every state has one. The groups are committed to lifting our country up in prayer. All prayer group members received a prayer journal. In the journal you find the states listed in the order that Franklin will visit. The book consists of two page spreads for each state that include, small statistical blips, pictures, and a place to record your prayer thoughts. In reading these statistics, I realized anew how far from God our nation has fallen. I want to share a few of the stats with you. I will leave the name of the states out…

***1) 47% have never gone to church or have left the church; 66% Don’t read the Bible
2) More than half the population of ___have never gone to church or have left the church.
3) 31% of ___profess to have no particular religion, nearly half of it’s residents seldom
or never attend church.
4) 42% of ___ages 50-68 are unchurched; 60% do not read the Bible;
Nearly half of all believe that Jesus did not lead a sinless life.
5) 40% of ___residents have left the church or have never attended church before.

This is only five states worth. These little blips of information are just a tiny tip of each states iceberg, some are better, some are worse. As a Christian I’m alarmed by these stats…are you? It’s amazing to me, and then it’s not. In my opinion, my generation dropped the ball. We stopped being evangelical and started watering down the Gospel of Jesus in an effort to be politically correct. We started seeking to be cool and trendy thinking to attract new people into the church. We decided we didn’t want to offend anyone or be judgmental. I’m not sure what happened and I’m not blasting staying current, but sometimes current isn’t great. If you’re my age or older perhaps the sixties, seventies or eighties got hold of you. I know I can’t blame the decades, I’m just not sure anyone believed in much during those times. Free love, drugs, and a host of other mind blowing, heart-deadening factors. It’s taken time to see the fall out…thus the stats we’re surrounded with. We were neither hot nor cold…

15 I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other!
16 So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.
Revelation 3:15,16 (NIV)

Isn’t it a blessing to have more than a blip of information from God? It’s housed between the covers of Scripture.**** God uses His word to teach and rebuke, train and correct so that we can spread the gospel truth of Jesus. You know, I used to envy those who’d been churched all their lives, until I started going to church. I began to see that sitting in a pew every week isn’t the complete tale. I began to see that it’s about being close to God, and that sitting on that pew is the result of that closeness. I go to church because it’s a public display to the world of my faith, but I am the church because God’s spirit dwells in my heart. People walk into buildings with church names on them expecting answers. We, the Church, are more often than not the only blip of Gospel information on their radar. It needs to be enough to stir their hearts. It’s up to us, the people of God, His Church, to be on fire for the Lord and teach the details. Are you unsure what to teach? Start with your own testimony. The truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. We have to start in our own back yard, our own community.

Else wise, what will the stats read ten years from now?

Father we lift our nation up in prayer, our churches, ministers, Bible teachers, schools, missionaries and the effort that Franklin is making to bring God back into our nation. Lord we pray that hearts will be moved back into a right relationship with You. We ask that those who attend these prayer rallies with evil intent will instead hear something to spark a flame. Let Your Church be a witness for You, send Your light into  dark hearts. Let us reflect Your grace, mercy and love. You know who our next President will be and we ask God, that Your hand guide his or her heart and mind. We know that You alone are in control. May the prayers of the saints be set before you like incense, may the lifting of our hands be like the evening sacrifice. In Jesus name…amen.

*For more detail you can log on to: https://decisionamericatour.com/
**If you’re on fb simply search out Decision America
***Stats taken from Decision America Tour Prayer Journal
****11 Timothy 3:16-17 click to read

Memorial Day Prayer


Heavenly Father,

My heart aches when I think of the men and women who’ve given their lives in service to this country over the years. Be with those who’ve lost loved ones in defense of the freedoms we now enjoy. God we complain about so many things as if nothing is happening in our country, yet listening to the news makes my blood run cold. Lord, we know it’s not about being black, white, or hispanic. We know it’s not about being a gang member, a cop or a criminal…or all of those things. Your Word tells us we battle the powers and principalities of the heavens, good and evil, praise Your Name we know who the Victor will be. Lord Your children will lift You up in all honor, praise and glory on this Memorial Day weekend. May our hearts be mindful of the ultimate sacrifice that Jesus Christ made on the cross that we might know true freedom. It’s in His name and for His sake I pray. Amen.